My Sober Confession #1: I Sometimes Use Coffee (As a Sacred High)

Why intentional stimulation hits different when your life is already clean (I do this with matcha too) - this is coming from an ex addict.

So I had a coffee today.

And perhaps over the past 3 days. I notice that my body asks for it before I get my Moon (period), and it’s actually super interesting to analyse why it does that (it’s down below in the Footnote 1).

I felt “guilty” for reintegrating coffee in my life this year after having quit. You see, if you have a somewhat similar personality to mine - which was addictive - I tend to go all or nothing. Extremes. Polarity. Duality.

ALL THE F*CKING TIME.
But i’m learning to dance now, between the two, cause balance (for me) doesn’t actually really exist. It’s a dance.

Anywho. I’ve noticed that since I live such a clean life:

• Sober from drugs + alcohol for almost 4 years

• Was vegan last year

• Eat very clean

• No processed sugar, junk food, fizzy drinks

• Barely any caffeine (till this whole thing)

• Exercise 5-6x/week

• Sleep well

• Meditate, journal blablaba you know the shabang,

I am sooo sensitive to caffeine, and sugar actually. So one cup of coffee shoots me out of this realm. Matcha too - i’ve opened portals with them, and I actually rabbitholed down the link between Matcha and elevated consciousness (see footnote 2).

I’m not gonna lie - sometimes I do enjoy the “high”.. even though I get mad palpitations and feel like i’m going to die (that horrid feeling I’d get after 4g of c0k3), but perhaps part of my cellular memory still likes the self-destruction feeling.